My Lessons From Grief

My Lessons From Grief

It's almost three years since we lost our Larl Joycee and this time of year always stops me in my tracks. I seem to become more teary, more reflective and i certainly miss my mam just as much as  last year or the year before - I suppose that makes sense because as time keeps ticking away its longer since you seen that person so the missing will just grow?? I don't know if thats a thing but it makes sense to me. 

Anyway, as I become more reflective I thought I would jot down some of my lessons now we are almost 3 years in and please note these are MY lessons, my experiences and just some of my thoughts which may or may not tie in with other peoples experiences of grief. 

Lessons I have taken from grief:

  • The cycle of grief can literally go around in circles (denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance) and you can flit from one stage to the next for no reason whatsoever – some of these still crop up after 3 years although I don't think they stay as long nowadays. 

 

  • You can smile about the person you have lost again without it being gut wrenchingly painful.

 

  • To fill those around you with love because they will feel it when you are gone too. Mr Llyod Webber was right, love never dies.

 

  • You can’t always change what has happened or your reaction to something or even apologise for the way you have behaved because it seemed out of your control – but you can move on from it and not allow those horrible feelings to determine who you could become.

 

  • It’s ok for your life to carry on and change and become something wonderful – it will never be the same but it doesn’t have to be shit forever either. You are able to change for the better even after something awful has happened.

 

  • You carry them with you forever, you can hear them and feel them when you need to.

 

  • You can live your life for them but not their life for you. You can’t bring them back but you can go on to have an amazing life for the both of you – you know fine well that they would be cheering you on to do that anyway.

  • You can't not do something because they wouldn't have, you are not them. (Ps this is my sneaky way of telling you I will get a tattoo at some point and Mam can't tell me off!)

 

  • And in the words of my Larl Mam, no moping! Except you do need to mope from time to time but then find that life you need to carry on.

 

  • You have a better understanding of how to help people dealing with grief – no you can’t make them feel better but you can make sure you speak to them; hug them or feed them. There may not be a right thing to say, but saying something is often better than saying nothing at all.

 

  • You are absolutely stronger than you think because if you can get through losing someone you loved, you can get through anything! Grief gives you and unwanted but useful super power.

If you have any other lessons to add to my list of rambling, then please leave a comment below. 

I heard a phrase once that death is worse for the living and how true that is. But we can help each other, we can provide words of comfort and hope to let someone know that it won't always feel like the end of the world xxx


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